Silly boys

so the guy I was talking to finally got back to me.

He finally gave me a reason as to why he stopped talking to me:

"Nothin about you, I'm sorry that this happened cuz I realized I couldn't deal with a relationship. I have to work on myself and get stable. I'm coming back to nothing and I have to focus on myself. I didn't mean to be cold but I would rather end it then to mislead you. I think you are a good person and that's why I ended it like this. I would have really been cold to keep the relationship going knowing I couldn't handle a relationship. I hope you can understand. I never intended to hurt you. I'm sorry."


Ok.


I'm pretty sure thats the most cliche reason ever, but I'd rather have a cliche reason than no reason at all.


I really just dont understand why guys think that a girl would rather just stop hearing from them vs, getting some type of explanation.

For myself personally, I would much rather have an explanation just so that I can know what was on your mind so that I dont have to sit around wondering what the fuck has gone on to suddenly make me go from the most awesome person in your  book to something that just gets disregarded one day like it was nothing.

the only time i will ever accept a full and abrupt stop in all communication between myself and a male is if I wasnt really feelin you in the first place and if i felt that you were simply beating a dead horse trying to talk to me.

and on another note-- If you feel like you cant handle a relationship and didnt want to "string me along" why would you get into a relationship to start?

Its one thing to be in some type of relationship limbo where youre pretty sure youre better off ending it, but something is telling you to try just a little bit more like when John and I were going through this:


i loved you yes

past tense?

i'm not going to say present cause i'm not gonna drag you along not knowing the future

But with John and I we legitimately had no idea what was going to happen with our relationship.

(yeah i still have every facebook message,chat log, and skype session that ever happened while John was deployed archived on my external harddrive.)

But its a totally different thing to know the situation youre in pre-relationship knowing that its probably not going to change, and to then let a girl really start to fall for you, when you know that youre just gonna break it off!

I mean what kind of sense does that make???

NONE!! THATS WHAT KIND!

and whats really bad is that I REALLY thought he liked me too. hmph. go figure.

and i'm sure some of you are saying "he did like you kiara! he really did!"

Well, if he really liked me, he a) would never have let this happen like it did. and b) it wouldnt have taken him damn near a week to finally answer me as to why he just stopped talking to me.

and dont pull that "but he said he was sorry!" bullshit on me.

I finally understand why John always hated when I would say im sorry to him; Saying your sorry doesnt change the facts.

You hurt my fuckin feelings; feelings arent skinned knees or bee stings, a simple I'm sorry wont make me feel better.

But I am glad that he gave me some type of reason. I no longer feel as anxious as i did before. so thats good, but its still pretty shitty considering that I really did like this guy.

But its whatever; Either he'll see what he let go of and come back, or he wont care and I'll fade into his subconscious and become the face that he sees in 15 years when hes trying to get it up to fuck his wife whom he lost feelings for after their 3rd kid.

Either way.

so I'll leave you with a quote that John said to me that just may be the best thing he ever said to me:

all i can tell you to do is suck it up, you can do better than me and you can't say no unless you try

Youre right John. I can, and I will.