So much going on

I are alive!

so, life has been really crazy for me right now, but the main thing that really got me down was my relationship with John ending.

I'm not going to post exactly what happened on here because a)its a long fuckin story and b) because its nobody's business, but I will say that it was hard on both of us, and we are trying to remain friends. I still love him and I will more than likely always love him, but we're both better off like this.

♥

but anyway!

So~ I went to Twisted and got a new piercing! Thank you Terry!  ♥ ...but I took it out after like 4 days lol

gettin ready to get pierced!

AHHH SHIT

fuckin needle face

and after!

It was really cute and all, but i just couldn't deal with it, it made basic things really hard. it shouldn't take me 5 minutes to brush my teeth.

I also dyed my hair back to black. I liked my hair being light, but its so damaged from.....everything, and I had like 4 inches of black roots, so I decided to just put a rinse in it.

Back To Black

excuse my derp face.

AND WHILE PLAYIN OREGON TRAIL SOME DICK STOLE FIVE OF MY OXEN!!!

  FIVE

I WILL KILL YOU!

O! And i bought a new pair of sunglasses~ Juicy of course...

F.T.D

and a random picture of me in Khols~ I'm pretty sure this is a picture for bad gals lol

I miss posts like these

also, doesn't look like this is ever gonna happen

 theres still a tiny chance though. 

and I'm counting on that tiny glimmer of hope...

DANCING WITH TEARS IN MY EYES

How can things go from "getting better" to "I can't do this anymore" so fast?All I wanted to do was be honest with you, like you asked me to be.I just dont understand. 
You said you werent "my life, but a part of it", do you understand that you were such a huge part of my life? 
I'm sorry for the lies, the worries, the sleepless nights, for turning you into somebody you didnt want to be.
I never intended for that to happen.
Never.

☆☆☆
here we go  welcome to my funeral  without you i dont even have a pulse  all alone it's dark and cold  with every move i die   here i go  this is my confession oh  a lost cause nobody can save my soul  i am so delusional  with every move i die   i have destroyed our life,  it's gone  payback is sick  it's all my fault   I'm Dancing With Tears In My Eyes  just fighting to get through the night  i'm losing it  with every move i die   i'm fading  i'm broken inside  i've wasted the love of my life  i'm losing it  with every move i die   when did i become such a hypocrite  double life, lies that you caught me in  trust me i'm paying for it with every move i die   

on the floor im just a zombie 

who i am is not who i wanna be  

i'm such a tragedy with every move i die  

 i have destroyed our life,  it's gone  payback is sick  it's all my fault   I'm dancing with tears in my eyes  just fighting to get through the night  i'm losing it  with every move i die   i'm fading  i'm broken inside  i've wasted the love of my life  i'm losing it  with every move i die   this is it and now your really gone this time  never once thought i'd be in pieces left behind   I'm dancing with tears in my eyes  just fighting to get through the night  i'm losing it  with every move i die   i'm fading  i'm broken inside  i've wasted the love of my life  i'm losing it  with every move i die  

Mountains, Cabins and BEARS!

So this may be a weeeeee bit early too be blogging about, but I'm just  so freakin excited!

So I've been talking to John and trying to convince him that we should go on a vacation of sorts. maybe do something for our 1 year anniversary in May. Ive had my eye set on Disney World  for like...forever. But John told me that he's not a huge fan of theme parks, ( I know right, what kind of crazy is that?) and that he would rather do something simple and quiet.

So I scratched the Disney World idea. In all honesty, DW would be a tad expensive for a 22 and 23 year old; I mean, we'd have to fly down there (or make a crazy day long drive), and get a vacation package and blah. blah, blah, plus, I would personally like to stay in one of the fancy hotels, and even if I booked a value resort, John would be all " get what YOU want." and since I'm 80% sure he'd be insistent on paying for it, just no.

Disney vacation from May 6th, 2011- May, 10th 2011 WITHOUT A FLIGHT OR CAR RENTAL

$1,681.40

this includes

• staying at Disney's All-Star Movies Resort
• 5-Day Magic Your Way Ticket with Park Hopper® and Water Park Fun & More
• Magic Your Way Package Plus Dining

now lets add plane tickets and car rental

with plane tickets (round trip) $2,143.00

and with a car rental (because id like to go to the beach too ^^)

$2,407.47

yeahhh. thats a 4 day/3 night stay. And I know we could get a hotel outside of Disney world and eat out instead of getting the dining plan...

BUT ITS MY OUR ANNIVERSARY DAMMIT!!! SO FUCK YOU!

Anyway, so i looked into something cheaper, simpler, and closer to home. So i thought maybe Cincinnati, St. Louis, or maybe a cute little B&B somewhere in town. 

and then it hit me--

GATLINBURG!

its close, its cheap, its secluded, and romantic!

I spent a few hours looking online at cabins and such and i found Cabins for you in Gatlinburg! 

I read a bunch of reviews and saw only maybe 2 or 3 negative reviews out of like 165? I would say those are pretty good odds right?

I looked under the $100 or less per night cabins because we wont be there for more than say 2 nights, which is the minimum, and found one that I loved

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

tadah!!

Hello Mountain Romance!

ok lah, I know its not Buckingham Palace, but its only $99 a night!

I didn't really want anything crazy fancy. Just something with a nice view, a hot tub, a jacuzzi, and a DVD player. Its equipped with:

• 1 queen bed
• 1  Sleeper

• Smoky Mountain views

AMENITIES

• Hot Tub
• Wood Burning Fireplace
• Jacuzzi Tub
• Rock Fireplace
• Paved Parking
• Big Screen TV
• DVD Player
• Charcoal Grill
• Rocking Chairs
• Hair Dryer
• Fully Loaded Kitchen
• VCR
• CD Player

 Its also close to Pigeon Forge and Downtown Gatlinburg, so if we choose to actually leave the cabin, we can do stuff!

but here's more pictures of this beautiful cabin! OMG IM READY FOR IT TO MAY!!

the view

view plus the hot tub

WHAT A CUTE KITCHEN!

living room

HEART RUGS!

The cutest bedroom ive seen in a while!

the jacuzzi and the flat screen

So yeah! I cant wait for John to come home so we can set this up and everything. I think this would be really nice to do in the fall so we could actually use the fireplace, but John gets deployed again in September, but not for very long. So maybe if we like this, we can start doing these trips more often!

Starrbuck & Nikki

ok lah, so im a total creeper who screen caps anything on my boyfriends wall that pertains to me~ so this is basically our relationship via his fb wall lol... in relatively chronological order

Lol, our first actual conversation on facebook

then i got sick. like i had a really bad cough and he came out at like 1am to get me cough drops! not only that!!! but he didn't just drop them off and leave~ he hung out with me for like 3 hours~ and got my Plague lol

LULZ lampreys

 BEST INSIDE JOKE EVER!!!

lampreys are dangerous fish~ DO NOT FUCK W/ THEM

o and about the bunny lol~ We would have dumb contests that he always won lol, so i asked him if he wanted a prize. of course he did lol so I gave him a bunny that i doused in Betsey Johnson perfume.

 Then he had a hellishly long, shitty day and came to see me after words...for like 20 mins lol

and then we went to see Iron Man 2

on the ninth of May~

then went to my friend harpers house where I took my most favorite picture of him EVER:

then later that night when i got home~

TA-DAH!!!

and the rest is history

or something like that

BOYFRIEND CHALLENGE

!♥boyfriend challenge♥ !

01. Where did you meet your boyfriend?

 Well… i went to school with him, but I didn't actually KNOW him. We had a few mutual friends and such, but we didn't know each other.  So I guess we technically met via Facebook, we would comment on each others status' and such, and then he wrote on my wall and blah blah, we were having  a conversation about smoking and then I said that he should give me his number lol.

02. Favorite picture of your boyfriend

 LOL this one easy-- (≧∇≦)

03. Favorite picture of you and your boyfriend

we are obviously not asleep lol

04. 5 facts about your boyfriend

♥ He’s half Korean

♥ He's in Afghanistan

♥ He has BEAUTIFUL TEETH!!!

♥ He's 6'2' ish

♥ He puts "White" instead of "Asian" on his forms

05. Make a list of the things you like about your boyfriend

♥ He puts up with my crap ♥  He apologizes even if it takes a while ♥ He smells good ♥ He's supportive of me and my dreams ♥HIS TEETH ♥ He buys me food ♥ He gets along with my dog ♥ He works ♥ He always has time to text me or call me♥ He taught me how to shoot a gun ♥ He is intelligent ♥ He hangs around good people~ ♥ hes mature, but can be silly with me :3 ♥ I can fart in front of him!!! lol ♥ He sings to me ♥ He cuddles with me ♥ He lets me nuzzle him and actually enjoys it ♥ he listens to my crazy zombie survival plan ♥

06. What did yah’ll do the last time you hung out?

Well the last time we "hung out" was the day he flew off to Afghanistan. So, I got to the airport like 2 hours before him (the USAF hast terrible time management skills), he got there, I got some kind of security pass to go with him to the gate, I hid his can of dip from his mom, got to the gate, lots of goodbyes ans iloveyous and i cried and then he got on the plane, and I then i went home and cried some more.

07. What was the last movie yah’ll saw together?

"Despicable Me" i think.

08. What do you guys do often?

email each other now. we used to have a lot of sex lol

09. Give your definition of love

butterflies and tootsie rolls 

10. Write a letter to your boyfriend

 Hi Panda Bear!!! I love you and I miss you!!!

also- I STILL WANNA KNOW WHAT THIS "INTENSE" THING YOU DID WAS!!!!!