So i think I'm finally ready to blog about the whole situation, since a lot of people actually want to know what happened. Im not gonna put in all the details, just the basics. I am in no way trying to put his business out there, or gain any sympathy. I simply need to blog this to get it out of my head 100%.
I will say that i am probably 99% of the reason why we broke up, so im not gonna candy coat anything or turn stuff around to make me look like the victim, cuz i brought this upon myself.
so heres the 3 main characters:
Me
John
Justin aka EHB
So ive know Justin since 2007 or 2008, (refer here) we had our thing and we decided that neither one of us was ready for a serious relationship, broke it off and stayed good friends.
i met John on Facebook in April (refer to this blog post for our love timeline) and we hit it off really well at first!
our first date was at the IHOP on April 10th 2010 and he thought it was weird that i wore a sweater dress. I LIKE SWEATER DRESSES!!
anyway, Then I got sick. i had a stupid bad cold and at like 2am HE GOT OUT OF BED, WENT TO THE STORE, BOUGHT 2 PACKS OF COUGH DROPS AND BROUGHT THEM TO MY SICK ASS.
AND GOT MY PLAGUE!!!
(i actually still have the bag of honey-lemon cough drops.)
so anybody who says John was a bad guy is so wrong!
anyway, when john and i were still in the just talking semi-dating stage justin had asked me if i would go to something with him..it was probably a party and i said maybe, cuz i didnt really wanna put myself in a situation where i would fuck something up w/ john.
So i didnt go to the party.
--skip ahead a few months--
Justin called me when i was with John (this is before john told me i couldnt talk to him) i actually asked john if i could take the call, i had no idea what just wanted to talk to me about, but i didnt want john mad at me for talkin to him. So justin tells me that hes moving closer to me (not for me, just cuz thats where the house he was renting happened to be) and of course i was glad that he was moving closer, cuz i didnt get to see him much (i still dont!) and john was mad about that, which is understandable.
So after this he didnt want me talking to justin.ok fine, it wasnt like we talked everyday anyway. so i went to delete him from my facebook but he wasnt there, so i assumed that he deleted his account, so obviously i couldnt delete him, so i just left it as is.
one night john and i did a 2am breakfast at a lil diner and i posted it as a status in fb. WELL, unbeknownst to me, justin had re-activated his facebook, and had commented on the status..something like he was right down the street at taco bell; harmless right???
WRONG!
john got super pissed at me because i didnt delete justin. i told him that i couldnt because he wasnt on facebook when he told me to delete him. i mean really, i cant delete or block somebody w/out a profile!
So john didnt talk to me the next day and i get up and check facebook and i have a relationship status request:
from in a relationship to single.
WTF? REALLY????
so i called him and he didnt answer my calls. he texted me saying that he'd come over after he got off work. So at 230am he came over and wouldnt leave till i gave him back his dogtags.
so i took them off and handed them to him. i didnt rip them off my neck and throw them or give him just one, i took them off and handed them to him.
and he left.
tears are streaming down my face,i feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest, im crying hysterically. i had never felt so hurt and low in my entire life.
basically something inside of me died on July 30th 2010
the only person i could call was my friend jacinta, so jacinta listened to me cry for like 3 hours lol and she didnt know what to tell me cuz she was still shocked that i was actually crying. (im not a cryer AT ALL)
so i assume i cried myself to sleep, cuz i woke up the next morning and texted john. Not one of those "baby im sorry i want u back things", just a simple, "im sorry that we had to end this way, and i wish you the best in all that you do."
i didnt expect anything back ,so my mind was blown when he called me back. he apologized and asked if i still wanted to go to dinner w / him at his sisters. of course i did lol
so blah blah blah, dinner at his sisters was good, got my dogtags back, makeup sex was beast, and kiara is back in a relationship w/ johnathon.
So August was pretty ok for us from what i can remember, but he was also getting deployed in september.
September 11th 2010, Gate B17 Southwest Airlines 1:17pm John got on the plane for Afghanistan.
WELL baltimore, technically...but u get what i mean right???
He got to afgahanistan maybe 6 days later?
o the joys of afghanistan! mortars and bombs and other shit that i REALLY DID NOT LIKE!
we had some spats while he was there too, but the big one came in Novemeber i think.
The weather here is really crazy, and we had tornado warnings one morning, so i get my blackberry and my blanket and go to the basement. when i wake up a few hours later, i have a missed call and a new voicemail. the calls from miranda, so i assume the vm is too. i check my voicemail and its Justin.
he had just called cuz he heard about the tornado warnings and such (one actually touched down a few blocks from my house) and he had just wanted to make sure i was ok.
i thought of it as simply a kind gesture by a good friend. it wasnt like he called me and was like so...ya dudes gone, wanna fuck? ya know, so i called him back and told him i was fine and thanked him for checkin on me.
First thing he asked me after that: " HOWS JOHN?"
what guy who was tryin to ruin a relationship would ask that?
so we talked for a bit, mostly about his issues w/ the girl he was dating at the time. whole conversation lasted maybe 30 mins tops.
but here was the problem: i didnt tell john.
he asked me if i had talked to justin and i said no. i told him about the voicemail but not the call.
i didnt think a 30 min conversation about justins problems was critical to our relationship.
but it was.
Johnathon: I can't do it
Johnathon: can't deal with lies
Johnathon: sick of this lil ehb
Johnathon: regardless
Johnathon: if your not feelin each other or whatever
Johnathon: he is suppose to be out of OUR lives
Johnathon: you couldn't do it
Johnathon: I can't do it kiara
i can handle the bombs and rockets and the 6 days a week 12 hours a day
our relationship has plagued my sleep for the past week and a half
so...yeah. way to make me feel like shit right?
so we took "a break" we we're technically single, but willing to try and make it work, but our relationship was too broken.
no matter how much we tried to put it back together, there were too many cracks. everything i did annoyed him or made him mad, which in turn, made me have almost nothing to say to him cuz i just didnt want him to yell at me.
We were beating a dead horse.
so we ended it.
I'm not bitter, or angry. I dont wish any ill-will to him or the girls hes dating now. in fact i wish him the best. im glad he's found someone that makes him happy.
its funny because ppl ask me why I'm not mad, im not mad because i really loved john. i still do in fact. but when you really love someone, you want them to be happy, even if its not with you.
