Sunday, July 31, 2011

Silly boys

so the guy I was talking to finally got back to me.

He finally gave me a reason as to why he stopped talking to me:

"Nothin about you, I'm sorry that this happened cuz I realized I couldn't deal with a relationship. I have to work on myself and get stable. I'm coming back to nothing and I have to focus on myself. I didn't mean to be cold but I would rather end it then to mislead you. I think you are a good person and that's why I ended it like this. I would have really been cold to keep the relationship going knowing I couldn't handle a relationship. I hope you can understand. I never intended to hurt you. I'm sorry."


I'm pretty sure thats the most cliche reason ever, but I'd rather have a cliche reason than no reason at all.

I really just dont understand why guys think that a girl would rather just stop hearing from them vs, getting some type of explanation.

For myself personally, I would much rather have an explanation just so that I can know what was on your mind so that I dont have to sit around wondering what the fuck has gone on to suddenly make me go from the most awesome person in your  book to something that just gets disregarded one day like it was nothing.

the only time i will ever accept a full and abrupt stop in all communication between myself and a male is if I wasnt really feelin you in the first place and if i felt that you were simply beating a dead horse trying to talk to me.

and on another note-- If you feel like you cant handle a relationship and didnt want to "string me along" why would you get into a relationship to start?

Its one thing to be in some type of relationship limbo where youre pretty sure youre better off ending it, but something is telling you to try just a little bit more like when John and I were going through this:

i loved you yes
past tense?
i'm not going to say present cause i'm not gonna drag you along not knowing the future

But with John and I we legitimately had no idea what was going to happen with our relationship.

(yeah i still have every facebook message,chat log, and skype session that ever happened while John was deployed archived on my external harddrive.)

But its a totally different thing to know the situation youre in pre-relationship knowing that its probably not going to change, and to then let a girl really start to fall for you, when you know that youre just gonna break it off!

I mean what kind of sense does that make???


and whats really bad is that I REALLY thought he liked me too. hmph. go figure.

and i'm sure some of you are saying "he did like you kiara! he really did!"

Well, if he really liked me, he a) would never have let this happen like it did. and b) it wouldnt have taken him damn near a week to finally answer me as to why he just stopped talking to me.

and dont pull that "but he said he was sorry!" bullshit on me.

I finally understand why John always hated when I would say im sorry to him; Saying your sorry doesnt change the facts.

You hurt my fuckin feelings; feelings arent skinned knees or bee stings, a simple I'm sorry wont make me feel better.

But I am glad that he gave me some type of reason. I no longer feel as anxious as i did before. so thats good, but its still pretty shitty considering that I really did like this guy.

But its whatever; Either he'll see what he let go of and come back, or he wont care and I'll fade into his subconscious and become the face that he sees in 15 years when hes trying to get it up to fuck his wife whom he lost feelings for after their 3rd kid.

Either way.

so I'll leave you with a quote that John said to me that just may be the best thing he ever said to me:

all i can tell you to do is suck it up, you can do better than me and you can't say no unless you try

Youre right John. I can, and I will.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

new video!


new black gals doin it right video!!

check it out!

also, please dont leave mean, nasty or rude comments.

they make me sad.

peace and love 

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Destined to be forever alone?

Well, this sucks.
So I met a guy, we clicked really well (which doesn't happen often), we communicated (calls,texts, skype) almost daily, and now he decides he "needs to do him" and "can't think about anything else". But he's "sorry", so that's supposed to make it better right?
I'm not even mad at the fact that he needs to do him, but I am a little upset that it took him 3 days to tell me. At first he had just said that he was goin through some stuff, which I can understand, and that's fine and all but just...fuck.
So I called him a few time and left a voice mail just sayin I hoped he was ok and what not, ya know, cuz I give a damn about people. And I never got a response. He got on facebook, so I know he wasn't dead and his status' were nothing AWFUL so I was a little upset to not get a text or a call back.
But I digress.
I just don't see why my relationships never work out.
What is so wrong with me that nobody will stay?
It really fuckin hurts me. A lot more than I let on.
Am I just destined to be alone?
Am I just that fucked up? Because I really don't think I am.
Would I be better off just getting a cat and calling it a day?
So readers I ask you:


Thursday, July 21, 2011


so remember when i posted that my ipod had been stolen at work?

well either I was wrong or whomever took it felt guilty as fuck and returned it,




ive missed my baby!!!!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Gyaru/ Gal VS Guidette/ Jersey Girl

Hopefully this will be the blog of blogs.

Ok, so I'm sure that most of my readers are Gyaru, gyaru-inspired or at the very least know what gal is.

And im  99.9% sure that everybody knows who Snooki is.

With the "Jersey Boom" happening all over the media now, love it or hate it, everybody knows what guidos and guidettes are.  I am no exception. I love Jersey girls.


Thursday, July 7, 2011

KKCenterHK Lash Review ☆Sponsor post☆

hello hello!

Last week I received my eyelashes from my amazing sponsor KKCenterHK!

The lashes that i requested are the Black Thick Mixing Cross Fake Lashes  [FE166]

i love them so much!

They came in a basic brown envelope and wrapped in bubble wrap. It only took 10 days to get them! considering the company is based in Hong Kong, that's an amazing shipping time!

now onto the lashes!

Close up

The lash band is black obviously, and as soft as butter! theyre easy to bend to fit the contours of your eyes and that makes me happy!

theyre a touch shiny, but most of my lashes are so no complaints there.

Also these are a PERFECT dupe for DUP 902 koakuma lash

the DUPs are $18 or so for 2 pair

the FE166 is 


No lashes


And long too!

Flexible band
good length and volume


and no im not just saying that because they were sponsored!

I truly LOVE these lashes!