K & L

I apologize in advance for the wordy blog.~ i may toss in a picture here or there.

Originally I was going to post a draft post from last year, but I decided against it. The draft has a lot of personal information and a lot of very harsh words...I will pull selected material~ just not all of it.

I had a friendship that lasted a very long time, 10 years to be exact. I thought this person was my best friend. ya know BFFs~ but forever is a VERY long time, and things dont always work out how you planned.

Last year (s/s 2012) this person (i'll call her L for short), pretty much stopped talking to me. i had assumed that it was just because she was busy with school and work, so I didnt make a big deal of it. In May, L sent me a fb message stating that (according to her) I  have several substance abuse problems.

At this stage I simply explained to her that I DONT have any of the aforementioned "problems"  and it was suggested that we "take a break; but keep in touch".

i honestly dont know why i agreed to the break. it was a dumb idea then and its still fuckin stupid.

(note--at this point~ L & I hadnt spoken since like december 2011~ THAT was our fuckin break)

anyway~ we agreed on a 2 month break. Over the course of a few weeks I texted L. nothing major, just a "how are you?" here and there. I probably texted her twice in 3 weeks.  And she never returned my texts; until one day in June-ish when I finally got tired of it.

So of course I confronted L about her lack of "keeping in touch"

I will gladly admit that maybe I fucked up~ but when I see "we'll keep in touch" I assume we actually will. 

--------draft excerpt------------

Today i texted her at 1:24pm just a simple hello. 

no response.

5 hours later Ive still gotten no response. and at this point im fuckin over it. How the hell are we supposed "keep in touch" when she wont even return my texts??? so I texted her basically sayin that im over this shit. she wasnt putting forth any effort into us saving our "relationship", and that if she wanted to just go ahead and break it off that i was fine with it. Im tired of wasting my time with somebody who didnt seem to care.

I honestly didnt expect a reply, but i got one.  Apparently may 5th to may 31st is only 2 weeks (its 3). and that she was giving me 2 months to clean up my act because I wasnt  "showing her that i cared". and that i was "secretly talking shit" to purposly get her riled up. and that in doing so, was showing my immaturity.

I was then told to "Grow up." & that she said 2 months and she meant it and that was the "End of Story".

and that she didnt want to hear anymore.

Fucked up right?

this conversation pretty much turned into a brawl.

FIRST OFF ~ YOU are not my mother, NOR my father and you WILL NOT give me an ultimatum like I am some child

"No we're not and honestly you apparently need someone to talk to you in "this manner"

You need to quit being a self arrogant bitch.

And as for ME being a bitch, so fuckin what. I'd rather be an arrogant bitch  than a  whiny cunt

 i wouldnt have responded to your fb message, i wouldnt be trying to "keep in touch", which you obviously need a refresher course in

 right now youre a train wreck.
For my trainwreck thing i see it as the fact that your "amazing boyfriend" is your hookup
You think youve got some type of rockstar life and you dont.  

 believe me, there were a lot more things said, by BOTH of us.

seriously im done with this senseless conversation. you are going to keep justifying that youre right and theres nothing wrong.

and after that, we were done.

Or so I thought.

December 22, 2012, L texted me while I was in Ohio with Chris:

"...I also figure we should get past everything thats happened. Theres a good reason why we;ve had a ten yr friendship. I would like yo move on and honestly, I really miss you"

So we started texting. again. 

for a little bit at least.

She told me about a few things going on in her life, and then I began to notice the pattern that my other friend J had mentioned.

"she comes back to you when her lifes not goin the way she wants"

and honestly I pushed the thought aside for a while, but as the conversations between L and I became lesser and lesser, i realized that J was right.

L only talks to me when shit hits the fans in her life.

and i'm sorry, thats not a friendship.

When I would text her, she'd "never have time to talk"

Sucky huh?

But if thats the way she wants to be thats fine; I dont have time for fair-weather friends.

I want to say that we could try this again, because no lie, L was my best friend, and I DO miss her;
but its not worth it if shes just gonna run away to her work friends when I do something she doesnt like. especially to have her come back in 6-12 months when her work friends dislike her again.

oh well.

have any of you guys dealt with a fair-weather friend

updates updates updates

KNOCK KNOCK BITCHES!

The Quest for Ringzilla

hello hello!

long time no blog~

life you know.

this entry is pretty random (its about rings)~ so i'll give you a little backstory/factual nonsense abt me:

• I like nice things
• I want to get married.
• I will hopefully be married soon.
• I dont want a wedding
• Wedding planning would kill me
• I would become a bridezilla
• Weddings are stressfull
• Weddings (at least MY wedding) cost more than im willing to spend
• I refuse to rent a dress or buy one that will be worn once
• I'd rather spend that money on the honeymoon and my ring
• This is my dream wedding ring:

Maybelline Dream FreshBB review

So i posted a video review of the maybelline BB cream (in dark obviously)
tell me how you feel about it!

My Anti-Aging Skin care routine

[this is not an advert. I was not sponsored or endorsed in any way. All of these products were bought with my own money. also, this is MY new skin care routine, what works for me may not work for you.I am not responsible if you get breakouts, don't like these products or if your face falls off.]

 

 

Hello Butterflys (yes I call my followers Butterflys)

You may recall from this post that i started using a new skincare routine. And my skin has improved soooo much! Its clearer and brighter and that makes me happy!

BUT!!!!

I've noticed a few fine lines around my eyes and my mouth that don't make me happy :( but then again I am (almost) in my mid 20's which is truthfully when skin starts to age. nothing TOO serious, but your skin usually starts loosing its elasticity, ability to produce collagen and your skin cell turnover rate slows down resulting in duller, less radiant skin.

 

I'm sorry but I aint got time for that!

I plan on being a MILF and then a GILF (grandma id like to fuck).... JUST SAYIN!!

 (and yeah, I am 100% aware that I should stop smoking if I dont want wrinkles.

quiting is hard.

I'M WORKING ON IT)

 

So, recently I changed my skin care from anti-acne to anti-aging!

and these are the products I now use:

I love this cleanser! it comes out super creamy and then after you wet it it becomes the most wonderful, rich lather. omg I love it. it has a really nice smell that's not too strong or overpowering. and after I rinse it off my face isn't tight or anything.

After using it for a few weeks, my skin had become smoother and is still as radiant as it was when I was using the Burt's Bees.

this shit is BANANAS!



next up is my eye cream/gel:

Super amazing~ the Day cream is the white side. it has SPF 25!! and the Night gel is...a gel lol! its green! I've also been using this for about a week and my eyes are less puffy in the morning and my little baby crows feet are gone! the night gel is my favorite because the texture is super creamy (but not heavy) and once you rub it in (use your pinky or ring finger to rub it in, they have the lightest pressure ;) )

PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE IS KEY MY FRIENDS!!!

Next in line is my Night cream

This stuff is HARD.CORE.

Its meant to combat advanced signs of aging which I don't have yet, but I'd rather treat it early.

this is how Avons anti-aging products work,they have 4 different lines of skin care depending on your age and/or your visible signs of aging:

I really could get away with using only the Anew Rejuvenate series, but I received this ULTIMATE NIGHT CREAM from my lovely great grandmother (who's in her 80s, and just started using this even though i told her the only way to get rid of her wrinkles would be to get a face lift, and then i said but you're not getting a face lift cuz you look fine). anyway she gave it to me because she said she didn't like it/ "it doesn't work"

WELL~ it DOES work! and quite well, just not for somebody in her mid-80s.

The picture is a little misleading because its not really a cream. its more like....hmmm im not sure of how describe the texture/ consistency. its more like hair dress.

its kind of silicone-y in texture, but it glides on so smooth and absorbs into my skin so quickly and leaves my face feeling almost balmy(?), but in a good way!

 

NOW

 

for my "extras" as I call them.

these items are things I use on an "as needed" basis.

 

AMBI® Fade Cream for Normal Skin

$6.49

 

95% of the time right before my uterus starts actin a fool like it runs this shit, I usually get a small breakout. No biggie!

 

EXCEPT for when I get THAT ONE FUCKIN PIMPLE that is HUGE and under the skin.

(that bastard zit)

The spa  (link here) I go to where I get waxed and the occasional facial  is super amazing and when I feel one coming on, I go in  and get a "zit zap" to keep the vile beast from becoming cystic.

(the zit zap is free with any facial)

 

However, after the zit understands that I will not put up with its bullshit, it has the last laugh and leaves me with hyperpigmentation aka a fuckin dark spot.

 

that motherfucker.

 

So, i use Ambi fade cream.

 

it has a pretty weird smell,but it works!

I apply a thin layer over the spot 2-3 times a day and in about 2 weeks the spot is gone!

 

Its also good to use if you have tar baby elbows and knees like I do lol

 

yeah....I said TAR BABY

 

WHAT THE FUCK OF IT????

 

lol,  but really, dont get your panties in a twist.

 

my blog, my rules.

 

Carrying on, my final "extra", is also a pretty beastly product meant for women in maybe their 40's

 

 

yeah, the big guns.

 

RoC

 

I mainly use this on days where I have to look photoshopped IRL,which isnt often now lol.

 

But this when used in conjunction with my Avon products , makes me look GREAT.

 

I use this for the lines around my mouth and around my lips.

 

Since I smoke, the elasticity around my mouth has a greater chance of getting weaker faster, so I use this to plump my face up! FUCK YOU WRINKLES!

 

since it does have retinols in it, you HAVE to wear sunscreen with it or risk a SUPER NASTY SUNBURN.

 

My day moisturizer is still Burts Bees

 

 

and even though my cleanser has exfoliants infused in it, I still do a very thorough exfoliation about three times a week, because I'm really OCD about my skin texture.

 

 

most favorite exfoliator EVER.

 

I can not live without this in my life.

 

So yeah! this is my anti-aging skin care routine now!

 

I'll be doing another post on anti-aging skincare soon!

 

What do you guys to to stay young and fresh?

 

ya know, besides be young.

 

WE CANT ALL BE 16 WITH PERFECT SKIN

 

LOL

 

ta-ta my Butterflys

 

let it all out

hey guys!

So i am totally over EVERYTHING.
LIKE OMG
no joke, i fuckin hate everything~

i dont know why i have so much rage. maybe i should get some therapy.

so heres whats been goin on since febuary

• ended a 10+ year friendship over something that couldve been worked out easily had there had been communication
• my dog max started having moderate seizures 
• found out max has a slew of problems due to age and breed:
• enlarged heart
• lung infection
• fluid in the lungs
• fluid in the abdominal cavity
• leaky lower heart valve
• whipworms

idunno how the fuck he got worm, but yeah...basically my 13yo chow/Shepard mix has

Congestive Heart Failure

The seizures were due to the fact that he wasnt getting enough oxygen to the brain. and the fluid in his lungs and abdominal cavities was due to his leaky valve. and hes become anemic due to the worms.

 Luckily! he has a very good vet, who flew in a specialist (i know right a dog heart specialist dafuq?!~i aint mad tho) to treat my dog. So he is on a slew of medicine to fight off the infection(s), a dewormer to get his red blood cell count back up and a VERY expensive heart medicine to constrict the leaky valve and hopefully get upto 20% of that blood that wasnt pumping, back into his body where he needs it.

So hopefully my dog is gonna be ok. His eyes are still bright, his tails still wagging and he still follows me around like my shadow, so as long as his quality of life is still good, i refuse to give up on my dog.

and as for the ending of the friendship, it really couldve been avoided with proper communication.

BACKSTORY: 

The past year or so we've both been busy, so we never got to hang out, all of our communication was via social media, texts or phone calls. from last fall to the beginning of this summer or so we hadnt been talking as much...actually not at all. I had tried calling and texting her only to receive no response. I wasnt too happy about this obviously but i let it go thinkin maybe she was just busy with school or work or just life in general.

 early may, i receive a message on facebook from my friend saying that she had something to tell me and that she didnt know exact;y how to say it and that she hoped i wouldnt be mad.

and she proceeds to tell me that she thinks that i have a drug addiction and an alcohol problem on top of that.

um...no?

Allow me to elaborate:

I work at a bar, of course i drink. I used to drink QUITE a bit, not BLACKOUT EVERY NIGHT or anything,  but yes i was inebriated by the time i got home maybe 4-5 nights a week (also, i dont drive so dont think i was drinking and driving :p) and on a few occasions yes i did get blackout drunk. however, i always got myself home safe and was never a danger to myself or others.

and as for my drug consumption, i take adderall and xanax..not at the same time obviously, and i took at most 5 adderall and 6 xanax a month. i also do other drugs but nothing like meth or bath salts.

Man, drug addicts these days are LAME~

clearly i am not an addict.

but anywho~ the point is that she hadnt been in my life enough to really know what was going on; like i said i DID drink a lot, but after puking in my wig, i pretty much stopped drinkin. Fuck i dont even stick  around work long enough after i clock out to get my shift drink.

and the A&X, well it was derby week. and Derby week in the top-grossing bar in louisville~ 

IS A FUCKIN SHITSHOW

from May 1st to May 6th i worked 70 hours.

i shit you not. There was no way in hell that i was gonna be able to function at 100% without energy and sleep.

True Story.

Now, had I been poppin 6 bars a day and chased them with Patron & XXXXX was around to see this, I wouldve COMPLETELY respected her telling me that i have a problem. 100%.

But when you havnt made ANY effort to contact or talk to me in MONTHS and then decide to just roll up in and start flinging accusations at me with minimal or no proof, im sorry~ no. that shit dont fly.

blah blah blah~ She asked me to try and cut back on my drinking and drug usage. i told her the drinkings not a problem,  but with my schedule being as rough as it was its probably not gonna happen that next few weeks. But, i could easily cut down and/or quit once derby was over.  And i did, I havnt taken a xanax or adderall since then. She decided that we should "take a break" for 2 months but keep in touch.

Ok cool! im down for that! so its all good....for a few weeks.

When i hear (ok lah, READ) we'll take a break but "keep in touch", I assume that we will still be in contact during this break, nothing huge~ just a few hey how are yous, how was your day and things of that nature. Correct? Well i must have been wrong because for about 3 weeks i tried to contact my friend-keep in touch-as it were, only to not have my phone calls answered and my text messages ignored.

did i fuckin miss something???

So then we text argue and i just say look~ you just need to tell me if you want to continue to try and be friends or not, so that i can either keep trying or walk away.

It was pretty clear that nothing as of now could be done, so i told her to walk away.


If she cant believe that im  not an addict, then i cant have her as a friend. 


It sucks and im not happy about it, but thats life. And if she ever wants to try this again she has my number.


so yeah. 


lotta shit eh?


WELCOME TO MY LIFE YA'LL! 
ITS FULL OF CRAY!


but yeah thats about it. 


And after venting i feel a lil bit better. so if i seem distant or whatnot, you now have reasons why. 


Truthfully, im not a bad person, im not mean or angry, or an addict.


Im just, too caring, too nice and too stubborn.

Lake photoshoot

herro! so im pretty sure that anybody who is my friend on facebook or follows my sadly inactive tumblr has seen these photos, but if not, then you are in for a treat!

a few weeks ago or so i did a photoshoot with my friend chrissy and her friend kris. i kind of wish we had been better prepared, but they came out nice (at least in my opinion). but because C&K werent happy with their pictures, i will not be posting pics with them in the shot. :\

and yes, i am in hooker heels and yes the dock was moving as i was sitting on it, and it was freezing.

We're probably going to redo this shoot in may with a different photographer, just to see his work. i personally have no issue with how my photos turned out.

also, i did not shop anything in these pictures.

credits: Voodoo Angel Designs

Let it begin!

Opposum Drama Trauma

This has to be the silliest, dumbest, girliest blog post

So my dog killed a opposum yesterday. no biggie, happens all the time.

My dad disposed of said marsupial but putting it in  a bag and putting the bag in a box and putting the box in the trash.

ok cool. 

So im getting the trash together to take out. And when i got to put the trash in the trashcan, all i see is this fuckin tail WRAPPED AROUND THE TRASHCAN HANDLE

So i drop the trashbag, squeal and run back into the house.

I text my dad that I'm not takin out the blue trash can.

He comes out of his room and is like what?

"ITS FUCKIN TAIL IS TOUCHIN THE HANDLE!"

he starts laughin and goes outside to put the deceased fully in the trash can.

ok. all is good.

NO.

I took out the other trashcan 1st cuz it was heavier and then came back for the coffincan.

WELL, i wasnt aware that one of the wheels has fallen off. So as im getting it off the platform, THIS FUCKER FALLS OVER

FUCK

Ok..so i take out the trash and come back for the box.

I am not touching this box directly. fuck that. no.

i dont do dead animals. they scare me to death.

So i get a shovel!

yeah, it took me five mins to  get the fuckin box on the shovel.

and then i had to carry its carcass all the way to the fuckin trashcan.

DEAR GOD.

so i toss it into the trash

 and run back into the house screaming.

hello 2012

hello!

so its a new year! 

2011 flew by for me!

But it wasnt a bad year:

*hit 100 blog followers

*got 50,000 views

*found an iphone

*found a potential boyfriend (a few actually, but only 1 i've decided that i really want to be with)

so yes, all in all not bad.

Soooo about this guyyyy i cant say too much because i TECHNICALLY shouldnt be with him because he works with me and is one of my like 9 bosses; oh to be so low on the ladder when i could do EVERYBODYS job the RIGHT WAY. -___-

but anyway,i will say that his names chris, hes 29, has a chinstrap (ULTRA PLUS) and is a great kisser. 

that is all.

o! yes and new years party!

i ended up going to a party with my friend chrissy. My other friends went on some couples date. sorry for being single : /

but whatever~ the party was fun!

I had to throw together an outfit and makeup cuz it wasnt super last minute, but i was in a xanax coma from like 10pm friday to like 730pm sunday. 

also i was alone at midnight cuz chris was at work. so midnight kiss for me. #foreveralone

on to the pictures!

Gal Secrets = Massive LOLS

So I was on Gal_Secrets this week!

Click to see full size

My Favorite Beauty Products

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