Friday, January 27, 2012

How not to be "That Girl"

So I'm at work with Dakota smoking cigs, shootin the shit and drinkin a faux martini- I'm on the clock- (I'll put the recipe at the end of the post) and people watching. Working on 4th street, I see a LOT of people (mostly chicks) who I can't help but talk shit about. Its just little things that irritate the FUCK out of me. And I'm goin to make a list lol.

1) Girls who can't walk in heels- baby, if you can't walk in a 4inch heel, don't wear em!!! Get a lower heel, or take your heels off for a bit! I can't stand seeing girls walkin around like lame horses. I will put you out of your misery.

2) Girls that wear clothes a size too small- ok look, when you wear clothes that are too small, you just look like a sausage. Sausages aren't sexy. Wearing a small top when you are in fact a large will NOT push you're tits up or out- you just push them in and give yourself uni-boob. Also, its just not cute.
And don't fuckin wear shit from the kids section if you're a grown ass woman; the shirts are made for 6 year olds, not a size 6 woman.

3)Girls who pile on the makeup- ok lah, confirm I REALLY can't say too much on this because I wear a lot of makeup too. BUT here's the main difference- I don't pile it on 136585 layers deep. I don't look like an acne riddled clown. That really bugs me, I hate seeing chicks with bad skin who pile on the foundation. Baby- get some tinted moisturizer and skin care. BOOM.

4) BAD extensions/weaves/wigs.- Another thing that I can't say much on lol. But really, my wigs aren't bad, they're just synthetic, I'm poor lol and I'll get a human lace front eventually. But anyway, I should not be able to count your shrinkies/micro rings/fusion glue beads/rubber bands/ weave thread/ tracks when I'm walking behind you. JUST SAYIN. NOR should I be able to tell that your "everyday" wig is from the halloween store. I guarantee you that you can find a decent wig on ebay or in the wig shops. If I can, you can too.

5) Cellulite and short dresses - ok boo boo, I get that you wanna be cute and all, but I also know that you spent an hour in the mirror checkin yourself out. And I know you saw those waves and ripples on your ass and thighs. With that being said-- COVER THAT SHIT UP!!! DON'T NOBODY WANNA SEE YOUR ASS AND THIGH OCEAN!!! FUCK!! Buy a dress that's 2 inches longer! I have cellulite too! But you won't see me flauntin it when I'm dancin on a speaker!!

And that's about it for right now. I'm pretty sure I'll add more lol. I hate a lot of things.

Kaywowws faux-tini

*4 oz cranberry juice
*1 shot lime juice
*1 shot of soda or tonic water - I use soda
*2 olives (optional)
*1 lime slice for garnish

Mix all liquids in a martini glass, garnish w/ olives and lime

Order a sullys special. Enjoy